Recital Success!!

Tonight our week long recital marathon ended!  I'm sad to see it end, but also a little relieved.  My whole body is sore right now! 

Tuesday and Wednesday were our tech rehearsals.  No costumes, only marking it out and running through a few times on stage.  Ballet, Lyrical, and the opening number were fine for me, but pointe was a different story.  Pointe was the last rehearsal on Wednesday night, and it was just a disaster for me.  I tripped, I fell off of pointe, I had no balance, and I wanted to throw up the whole time. 

I didn't expect this reaction, but as sat waiting for pointe to be called, I think I just psyched the hell out of myself.  We did the number three times in a row, and it was exhausting and terrifying.  Being new back to pointe just this year, I was worried that I'd be judged by other teachers or students for messing up.  And then I messed up, a lot.  I left the rehearsal with some composure, but I cried as soon as I got into my car.  I felt defeated. 

This is something I have wanted to do my whole life-- perform en pointe.  I was finally doing it, and I choked.  Nothing was right, and it was absolutely mortifying.  I actually posted a facebook status about it that said....

"I have no business performing en pointe in front of anyone."

I honestly felt that way, I had a terrible rehearsal and felt embarrassed, and had to do it in front of about 600 people in total over the next few days.  How could I humiliate myself like that? 

My mom talked me down, and told me to go out there in front of the world and do my best.  So that, I did!

Thursday was dress rehearsal and I was a nervous wreck.  I went out on stage and wobbled and did most of it on half toe, and was disappointed with my performance.  In regular ballet class I made some mistakes, mostly balance issues.  Those stage lights can really mess with you if you look right into them, and my ballet class faced the wings several times, so you were totally blinded by the lights.  That makes pirouettes hard!  I went home resolved to go into that rehearsal and perform to the best of my ability. 

Friday Night:  First Performance!!  EEP!! 

Here I am!! All glitzed up and just about ready to go on for ballet.  I was anxious, but I had a relieving calm feeling; I had resolved that no matter what, whatever happens is my best and that's what's important.  Perfection is nearly impossible to attain.

The number went well!  Only a few mistakes.  An attitude turn into passe into plie a la seconde is HARD.  I definitely fell out of it and laughed a little at myself.  I was right in front, so pretty easy to see the tallest person mess up.  There was also a point where I lost my balance and couldn't catch it for a minute.  Totally almost fell over from the dizzying lights.  

I surprised myself with the stage presence that instantly appeared on me when I got on stage.  My ribcage was lifted and my neck lengthened, my shoulders down and my arms soft.  Despite some of the mistakes, I still kept my stage presence and not just a dead face throughout the whole routine.  I articulated my feet!!!  I was conscious of it.  I turned a few nice pirouettes and remembered to spot!!  It.  Was.  AMAZING.  

I don't know where that came from.  I know I didn't have that when I was younger.... so where?  I've watched a lot of dance shows and videos on youtube, so maybe by watching and memorizing it"?  Weird.  

The next number is lyrical, the number to music from Avatar.  The director of the studio choreographed it and did a really good job in my opinion, it was something everyone in the class was capable of doing, and we each embelleshed on it in our own way.  I thought it was a great performance!  

Finallly, pointe.  I was waiting to go on, and I was calm, but just hoping to not fall down.  I went out there and threw my all into it. I made a few mistakes, like instead of pique arabesque- glissade glissade assemble, I skipped to an entirely different part. Whoops.  I was happy with it though!  At least I kept my posture and presence up.  

Saturday:  Final Performances

Butterfly Pointe Costume

Tonight was simply amazing.  I didn't make a mistake in ANY NUMBER.  It was the best I've ever performed all 4 numbers.  I'm so proud of myself, I did it!  I had fun!  

Ok last cheesy line:  Energy was shooting from my fingers and toes.  

That was really bad.  Anyway that's what it felt like!  I didn't know I could do that, I can't wait to get the DVD of the show!  They also took professional pics during the dress rehearsal, I'm excited to see those too!  

I'll write a bit more tomorrow.  Just know, tonight was a huge succcess.  I haven't been this giddy in years.  Ballet has changed my life.  

Happy Dancing,

Remedial Ballerina